(ENG only) In this past week I have been a little quiet. Aside from a few Insta stories (omg, that Justin Timberlake concert!!!), I wanted time to absorb what happened over the past few days and not publish anything (photos, blog posts or videos). I shared something hard, raw, intimate, scary, pure. Never ever I could have imagined in a million years that I could get such a response to my previous blog post. I received a lot of comments and private messages, both from complete strangers and also from people I know. It felt amazing. You made me cry. Tears of joy, relief, sadness, compassion, fear, acceptance, empathy, sadness. An entire emotional palette behind those tears.
Sometimes it’s hard. This year so far has been hard. And most of the times it is hard, dealing with an emotional backpack that I probably will never get rid of. But you guys poured so much love on me that it feels less hard. So THANK YOU.
I am so sorry to hear that so many of you felt or feel the way I do. I feel it, see it, live it. And it sucks. But what happened over the past few days is that we silently built a community. Every single one of you who wrote me a message, even if short, took the courage to take a step forward and break the tabu and silence that usually we encounter around mental health. And I hope that more and more people will be encouraged to share their own stories and struggles, unconditionally and unapologetically. There should never ever be shame in dealing with mental illnesses, in being different, in showing our flaws, imperfections, weaknesses and scars. Those “pink ribbon scars that never forget”, sings Billy Corgan from the Smashing Pumpkins in the song “Today” (I cried so much over this song in the past. Seriously listen to it, the lyrics are phenomenal). Everyone has their flaws. And continuing to put on a mask and pretending that everything is fine when it’s not is not solving the problem and is not bringing us anywhere. And I like to think that now I have plenty of friends who have my back and make me feel like I am not alone or hopeless. And I hope you feel the same way too. We are not alone nor weird. I am enough. You are enough. WE ARE ENOUGH.
Yesterday eve I met with my dear friend N. and we had an open talk about this. The message she wrote me was pure, truthful. We had the chance to openly talk about what is going on in our lives, with the intimacy and connection that only people who are tired to pick up the pieces over and over again have. It felt good. Showing our wounds makes us feel vulnerable, but stronger at the same time.
After some of you suggested, I took the personality test this morning and found out that I am an Advocate (INTFJ-T). This is a brief description from the “Introvert, dear” website:
“The INFJ is thought to be the rarest Myers-Briggs personality type, making up only 1-3 percent of the population. “INFJ” is an initialism that stands for Introversion (I), Intuition (N), Feeling (F), and Judgment (J), which describes the INFJ’s core characteristics. Both introverted and people-oriented, emotional and rational, thoughtful yet at times spontaneous, INFJs can feel like walking contradictions. They read others well and easily “see behind the mask” that people unconsciously wear; ironically, however, INFJs may struggle to understand themselves. Their reactions and behavior sometimes confuse even their own sharp intuition.
The INFJ personality contains many layers and is indeed a trove of secrets. Private and mysterious, INFJs will reveal those layers slowly — if ever at all!” (you can read the full article here )
I am curious to hear which personality type you are, dear friends and readers. If you never took it, you can do it here, it will take just a few minutes. It’s a good way to learn more about yourself.
Also, on a side note, I tried to work on this week’s video yesterday and ended up not liking the footage at all. I slept until 10 am this morning, which is very unusual for me, and instead of waking up with the alarm at 6 am like I would have normally done to get the video ready and uploaded, I let myself sleep and my body recover. I am really sorry if as a content creator I disappoint you sometimes and can’t keep up with my weekly schedule on this blog and on Youtube, but I have to learn to set myself some boundaries and to make myself a priority. Probably for the next few weeks I’ll post a video every two weeks or so, I hope you’ll understand. I might post regularly or I might not. I want to listen to how I truly feel each week and act accordingly. I have a lot on my plate going on at the moment and I want to focus more on myself so I can come back to a weekly schedule refreshed and recharged a few weeks from now.
Thank you for being here. Thank you for your supporting, kind, encouraging, warm words. Thank you for liking my content and for liking me. You are awesome.